The journey…
So, this blog is quite different from the other blogs i usually write. because today i felt like writing my heart out. it’s another day of lockdown and things are going pretty as usual. not pretty. just as usual. and a notice has come from my college stating that they want us to be back in campus next month. now that the final call has come, i feel strange, the kind of strange when you first step out of your hometown, the kinda strange when you are scared to face an unknown city. alone. although i have lived in a metro city for two years now, i feel scared. and you know, this is a good feeling. you feel a control over your life. you feel like you will finally do something this time.
“Don’t be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Angel’s Game.
When the train finally starts to leave the platform behind, that’s when i feel empty. but as it gains speed, some sort of excitement always overcomes my fear. i have always been a kid who would stare out of the window of the train into the void. even if nothing is visible, the complete darkness, the feeling of the air making it difficult for you to breathe is peaceful. it’s like you are staring at a completely different world. in your world, the silhouette of the trees races with the moon, until after sometime…the moon wins. you aren’t bothered by the whining kid in the next seat and his mother trying hard to make him stop, failing effortlessly. the void and the darkness is somewhat more attractive to you.
“Into the void of silence, into the empty space of nothing, the joy of life is unfurled.” ~ C. S. Lewis.
You finally decide to read an e-book. but the wind keeps bringing hairs on your face. and every time you give them a look, make a swirl of the lock and tuck it behind your ear. you are suddenly reminded of the faces of the people standing on the platform, waving you goodbye. your people. the only people who wish to see you smile on your toughest days. the only people you go to “in sickness and in health.” you wonder how will diwali feel like without having to see their faces quarreling on the last piece of laddu. ‘maybe video call will work this time,’ you tell yourself with an imaginary pat on your head from yourself. you now realize that you do it quite often now, to yourself. maybe your best friend’s ted talk has proved to be fruitful and you now understand self-care. you decide to sleep.
The train gains speed, but you feel like the thoughts in your head are running faster. now, you feel a sense of relief. the lights have been put out and the kid isn’t crying anymore. moving on is what you are left with, so you embrace the feeling. you close your eyes and let yourself loose into the oblivion, where you find yourself living another life, a life you’d die to live for.
