The art of having a conversation…
How many of us have tried to express ourselves and ended up hurting the other person’s feelings? Quite common right? Well, if you are that person who overthinks about each and every conversation they have, trying to figure out what exactly went wrong, the next few minutes of your life will be worth a read.
According to Judith E. Glaser, author of the book ‘Conversational Intelligence’,
“Behaviors that increase cortisol levels in the brain reduce Conversational Intelligence or C-IQ, a person’s ability to connect and think with innovation, empathy, creation and strategy with others. Behaviors that spark oxytocin, by contrast, raise C-IQ.”
Oxytocin can reduce cortisol levels. What if I tell you that you can actually gain a person’s trust if you analyse and improve on the words you speak?Judgemental words tend to increase the cortisol levels in our brain. But if we start using words that are more positive, we tend to release oxytocin in our brains along with the listener’s. Introspecting on what words we choose in our daily conversations and practicing a shift from negative words to words that are more empathetic can be a good start. Posing a criticism as a question can also ensure that the other person feels respected.
Try saying, “How can you improve your productivity?” instead of a direct and seemingly rude “You are not productive at all!”
My favorite way is using the sandwich model in a conversation, where we start with a good news, sandwich the bad part in between and end with another good one. Interesting right? How we often say, “A good beginning makes a good ending…”, so why not sandwich some constructive criticism in between?
Now comes the part that would require a bit of an effort, “Let go of your Ego.” Choosing not to be right everytime, willing to accept criticism and considering that moment as a scope for improvement in the days to come makes us open to the perspectives that the other person has to offer. This makes the speaker feel important, helps in gaining trust and he or she is less likely to be cynical towards us.
Worth giving a shot? Why not? If we start reflecting on our conversations, it won’t be long to work on our behaviors and relationships with others. Let’s bring in some chemistry to our conversations!
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